- Dec 19, 2018
Years have gone by, you'd expect in a life of ever-changing variables for me to be struck with one bit of fortune throughout all of it, am I not correct in this assumption? No, nothing becomes of any effort put forth to change the status of my crippling longing for affection. I knew it, since early on in my life I cherished the idea of having someone who gives a shit for my safety. Someone I can show my most intimate experiences with and support, anyone who can share that with me would be worth everything to me. But alas, I have been plagued with the curse of being an aimless man trying to cling onto any hope he can grasp at in his fading grip. At a young age, I did not expect such a crippling realization the force of a thousand neutron stars colliding to hit me at such a random time. And with no preparation, I did the same as any other desperate man would do, look for a rationale. This search would lead me along a path of self-deprecation and self-loathing suffered by many an incel before me manifesting itself in lust, hatred, and denial. First manifesting itself in a fascination and frequent search for alternatives to fill the ever-present void denied to me from birth with possibilities. This is where I would first find my endless thirst for affection driving me to extremes, and am I truly to blame? When I first considered zoophilia, it was much similar to an individual making a judgment that such a concept doesn't seem to bad when faced with nothing as the only other option. This rationale would only serve to grow my ever-expanding repertoire of desires I shall never act out or have satisfied by anyone. Leading me into the depths of depression, only to re-emerge with one singular hatred and sadness burning inside my very soul. This anger would manifest into a following of the red pill, and MGTOW ideology. Following the basic human concept of hating what you can't have, and proclaiming that you never wanted it in the first place by discrediting it. Bringing up arguments of hand-picked truths to cover up the void with a cold and ever encroaching perseverance to keep moving forward in spite of your circumstance. Though even this illusion would fall before my eyes as, years after the initial realization, I would come face to face with the same reason and be forced to swallow it in a manner that a child would the most bitter medicine from a cabinet. The medicine in question is a pill, the pill as dark and black as that same void I had been trying to cover and fill for so many years. Finally eclipsing and consuming my conscious, leaving just myself and my thoughts. An empty husk of a forgotten man, with dusty and once delicate emotions laying long shattered on the ground, possessing nothing but a cold and unresting determination not necessarily for immediate revenge or even retribution for the unjust crimes committed against his once innocent existence for no other reason than being a victim of circumstance... Why? Why had they felt the absolute need to take a man who could have been of the same value as a normal human being only to disenfranchise him into a broken being trying to re-piece something they can never put back together? Much like a star in its final days, this man persists in the form of a shitposter obsessing over loli hentai, being edgy, and being too much of a pussy to take his own life. Still there, but no longer doing anything but existing until eventually it too decays, and nothing is left.